Hi, Aaron Anastasi here from Superior Singing Method. Welcome back. This is my series here on the Psychology of Being a Singer. It’s a little different than tips and tricks and that kind of stuff, which I think is great, exercises and all that. This is more the psychology behind what motivates you to actually accomplish this goal, so yes you want to have the techniques and all that stuff, absolutely, the psychology over the things that keeps us stuck and out of action, out of actually getting the place where we want to be is, I think, just as important if not more important in some cases. So this I’m calling how to sing better for guys.
One of my favorite coaches, he’s not a life coach kind of guy he talks about the idea that from childhood we’re on this quest for permission and approval. Like everything we do it begins with this idea of permission and approval because our parents are the ones that have all the power, the ones who have all the money, the ones that have everything we need, it comes from our parents and so this permission and approval we want to get permission from them, we want to get approval from them and we carry this all through childhood and there are some rebellious teenager years whatever, but as we work into adulthood this idea of permission and approval it doesn’t serve us to actually go out and accomplish the things that we want to and like but we continue to live under this thing of permission and approval and honestly just the dead honest truth is that it leads to poverty, it leads to broken relationships and it doesn’t lead to the accomplishment of our dreams and we are always seeking approval “Oh, do you approve of me, am I good enough? Am I this..? And can I? Can I get permission? And excuse me, can I?”
We’re adults and we have this thing where we’re still kind of acting like children and I’m not judging you or you know I get this. This is something that I think about a lot and fight against and I guess that’s not quite the right word we’re just like wrapping my mind round differently that I’ve got the power to go out and create the life that I want to live and that’s what I want to kind of talk about here.
Give yourself permission. I mean it’s really just that simple. Give yourself permission. You don’t need permission from anybody else in order to do that, in fact Ann Wran she says “It’s not about whether or not I’m going to get permission, it’s not who is going to give me permission, it is who’s going to stop me”. Not “Who do I have to go through in order to see if I can do this thing.” It’s “I am going to go do this thing and who’s going to stop me?” You see that kind of distinction, that mind shift there, like “No I’m just going to go after this if someone wants to try and stop me, they can, but this is where I am headed, period, I am not going to wait for anybody’s permission or anybody’s approval and so I’m just going to get started and get this thing done” and you’ll notice in a lot of these videos a lot of what I’m saying is like getting in action just little small actions to accomplish the thing because starting is the biggest deal whatever I don’t care where you at you may have been a professional singer for 10 years whatever that next step is for you because we’re never fully content like “Oh, I’m done I made it” none of us are there.
I’ve had tons of successes but I’m always still excited about the next thing called Singorama and I think that’s fine there’s a certain amount of like it’s just exciting to pursue the next vision and the next call.
So what is the next thing you need to begin whether you’re beginner or you’re professional. There is actually a Greek proverb that says it illustrates this point really well it says “Well begun is half done”. If you can just give an action get started on something it’s like you’re half way there already it’s just a matter of finishing the last action but getting started is what becomes the most challenging for most of us. So that’s a little bit about permission and we talk little of that earlier in the video but this idea of approval. We all want this thing of approval I don’t know where it comes from but it’s like we want people to constantly approve of us and affirm us, and affirm us, and affirm us and “Should I do this” and “Do I have what it takes?” and “Do you mean I’m affirmed?” and “Am I good enough?” and all stuff we’re like constantly searching for this for we are like these approval addicts that we’re just trying to ring approval out of people constantly and ring acceptance out of people constantly again that’s just kind of how we are but there is a different way.
Because if you think about it and this is kind of just like a silly example and actually Steve Chandler talks about this is like, there no approval station you can’t go the DMV and for them to be like “Okay come on in you want to be a singer? Denied” It doesn’t exist so like this constant searching for approval it’s just not resourceful. There’s no judgment it’s not bad there is no bad “Oh you’re dumb if you do this”, it’s nothing like that it’s just like it’s not a good resource for you in order to obtain the vision that you want for your life “Am I good enough?” it just becomes a waste of time and it becomes a real a real kind of stuck place. “Do you approve of me? Do I have enough talent to make sense for me to start pursuing this thing so I’m not just wasting my time?” whatever the thought is for you. Whereas it’s just a matter of “Do you want it?” Then go after it, like for me, I think you heard me say it and said in another video I was a terrible singer, a terrible singer but I wasn’t like looking for “Hey am i good enough to pursue this? Am I good enough to pursue this?” I was just like “I’m want to pursue this” and then I became a professional singer.
For a long time it’s just the want to and moving forwards it’s not the permission and the approval thing. And trust me I’m not saying “Oh hey be like me and I’ve accomplished I’ve conquered all this stuff”. No this is still a thing inside of me but I want to stay keep real clear of what is important and what’s real. And what’s real is that when I crank my want to up enough and I’m not worrying about permission or approval or am I good enough I just do it. That’s when I get a different result and the result that I had been getting which is no result, no success that makes sense.
So again to move beyond that fear takes decisive actions, to evacuate that fear all together do that action over and over and over again. You heard me saying that in the last video.
The last thing just another example is Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean when he started pursuing film, you know obviously he was a body builder successful doing that, but he wanted to be a number one box office star. So this is like in the ’70s. I mean we know who he is now so it’s not laughable it was a laughable joke back then. Like “What? this big oaf with this weird accent” and he just was not a good actor he wasn’t trained and anything like that but he wanted to become a number one box office star. Like “How is that even possible?” so anyway fast-forward he didn’t care what people thought. He just kept moving forward moving forward he became around the Terminator he became a number one box office star. That was his goal that was his vision. And then he wanted to become a governor and he’s not even from California or from the states he became a governor. It’s just like this guy, he just had a vision didn’t care what people think and moved on. And then he was done doing that and then he became a number one box office star again. And now he’s you know he’s just– anyway. I just love that example of the underdog. Just deciding “This is just what I want. I don’t care if I have what it takes. What does that even mean? I am going to go after this thing and I am going to accomplish it.” so that’s the difference between– I wanted to talk about the idea of permission and choice. Permission or approval versus “I am just going to choose this is what I want and doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks.”
So that’s for this one. Believe in your bigness there’s more in you than you realize you’ve heard me say before. For my number one exercise and some other good techniques and content click here or the link below and please leave me a comment because I am writing a book about this Superior SINGING Method. And I’d love to hear from you and I’d love to kind of cater to that of what you say and while I’m writing the book and also subscribe if you haven’t yet to the channel so you know when new videos are coming out and thanks again for watching.